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Things that make you go AARRRGGGH!

February 5, 2008

I had the thrilling experience of having my purse stolen from me last week.

While I was at church.

It was returned three days later. And now I have compiled a list of things I have learned from the ordeal, that I would like to share with you:

1. If you have gone to a church for 17 years, you treat it like it is your home. And 99 out of 100 people that you know at the church really are like family. But the one person who you don’t really know, who is not like family, is the one who will snatch your personal property when you aren’t looking. And will manage to do it when all your 99 friends are not looking, either.

2. When something is stolen from you, you just know. You have a certain feeling inside that tells you that you didn’t misplace it or lose it. Trust those instincts and act quickly. However, be prepared to answer lots and lots of questions from well-meaning people who want to help you. Questions like: “Are you sure?” “Where did you have it last?” “Have you checked such-and-such a place?” These are all perfectly valid questions that you have already asked yourself… but the other people are just catching up with you. Bite your tongue and be gracious. Your friends are really trying to help.

3. If your children’s minister happens to be married to a police officer, and he is at church that evening, then he might be a good source of help in a situation like this. I’m just saying.

4. If you call Equifax/Experian/Trans Union and have a fraud alert put on your credit report, it will protect you from someone who may try to open a new line of credit using the information they stole from you. However, it will NOT protect you from your own bank, who, when you call to put a stop payment on some checks because your purse was stolen, will proceed to give you the hard sell on refinancing your home equity line of credit. Because now is a great time to refinance! Your purse was stolen, but by golly, the rates have been cut and you need to refinance now now NOW!

5. Credit cards can be suspended, cell phones can be deactivated, and doors can be re-keyed. But if your iPod is stolen and you are suddenly without access to your music? That is the worst.

6. Keep a good mental inventory of what is in your purse at all times. Because when the suspect thief shows up a few days later claiming that they “found” a purse and thought they would bring it back to the church, you will still be missing all the “good stuff.” But if you know exactly what is still missing, then you can let your children’s minister’s husband know, and he will help facilitate the recovery of the remaining items.

7. Once you get everything back, you will discover that your iPod radio transmitter won’t work anymore. Make note of it, and send a bill when you replace it.

8. Press charges.

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One comment

  1. I would make a mental note, but I can’t get the “post it” to stick to my forehead.



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